Being single and curvy; a blessing or a curse?
I hear the beat pound hard and listen as the lyricist spits, “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means? She got her own house, she got her own car, two jobs, work hard you a bad broad. If you ain’t on, sit down. If you ain’t on sit down.”
The beat is maddening, the excitement is exhilarating, the cares fleeting…
At the end of the night; in the silence of my thoughts, I realize it all sounded great til the music stopped. My epiphany eventually lead me to a greater understanding; I am I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, but not by choice.
It is by force.
At first I thought it was me but I have put my heart, my time and my all in too many of the wrong places and the wrong people. Ultimately our lives are the sum of our choices and I had a choice to make. I could either be in a deep depression about being in my 30’s, being single; while everyone else around me seemed to be having babies, getting married and moving to suburbia.
I could be confident, know my worth, set my standards and be prepared for what is to come.
As matter of confidence; I grew into my fierce curvy girl-dom early! I have my days but 98% of the time I am fearless and fabulous. That being said, sometimes I get approached by some princes and many more frogs; in conversation I found that we were looking for different things. So, I let the situation go. When you know your worth and love yourself; you make better decisions about what you will accept and what you won’t. There are many great men out there but the standards has been lowered so severely that a lot of men that I meet/converse with only wont’ to do the bare minimum for your time and your heart.
So you must decide:
- To be clear about what you want, first for you, for your life and then your relationship
- Choose your deal breakers: Give serious thought to what you will and won’t accept. Your standards are defined by your actions. Answer these questions:
- What are your standards?
- What are your deal breakers?
- What are your requirements?
- How will you communicate this to your potential partner?
- Talk the talk and walk the walk; say what you mean (the talk) and mean what you say (the walk) Set boundaries and don’t be ambivalent, wishy-washy, indecisive… The moment you settle for less or accept, unacceptable behavior you have opened a door that must quickly be closed. If yo have a 90 day rule don’t give in on day 89. Be iron clad with your standards.
We often fear “hurting someone’s feelings” by saying no or setting boundaries. No is an answer to a question. It is not mean or hurtful and it keeps your from extending yourself to undesirable associations or situations. Be upfront so there will be no question about where you stand. Say no, mean no… it is not rocket science, you can do this. I promise that a guy; who is completely not worth your time, will not experience a great tragedy because he did not get your number.
Be Curvy and Uncoupled… Until.
Move Forward Curvy Girl.
“Beautiful Curvy Diva”
Do Beautiful Things